"It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

~ Roosevelt

Crash and Burn

Have you ever felt like nothing you ever did was enough?
Like... Everything you did is for naught?

... Truth is... I've a disastrously low self-esteem... And in many ways, it has drastically altered the way I think, the stuff that I do and the people I come in contact with...

Today I saw a guy on the bus, probably 20 or 21 years old... Total stranger. He was en-route to NUS...
Obviously a student, due to the books he was carrying, and probably rich, from the accessories he wore.
He had a flawless complexion and his body was... Well... Awesome.

Duh... I couldn't help but gawk at him.

I kept side-glancing for almost 5 minutes... And... Well... I kept on thinking, "this guy has everything - brains, looks, money... And with that; a resultant factor would probably be tons of friends."

It felt really shitty, especially when I'm at a crossroad in my life.
I felt so damn shitty that I clenched my teeth and tear-ed.

After so long, what have I been able to do with my life?
I definitely don't think I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth... Or for that matter, any spoon at all.
I screwed up 9 years of my education, only waking up at sec 4. Which proved too magnificently late.
The price to pay was astronomically pricey.

All my dreams had to be altered to another course.
I spent 6 months rethinking what to do with my life and finally decided - if I can't make my dreams come through, I'll make others do.
And so, my media ambitions started.

Truth be told, i'm tired... I just want to lead a life where I can be secure....

It's tiring.... It's nightmarish...

Sometimes, I wish I could restart my life and do everything right...
But it's... Too late now...


Sigh...

New Year Resolutions

First post of the new year. 2011.

Marking the 24th year of my life.

With the exception of my fitness goals, I've manged to complete almost all my new year resolutions wholesale last year.

This year is going to be another tough year.

Tough years call for tough resolutions.

As such, these are my resolutions for the year 2011 -

i. Ensure that my transition to Brisbane is flawless.

ii. Be financially independent by June 2011, on proper, decent part-time jobs.

iii. Hit 70kg in ultra-lean, muscle mass.

iv. Read the entire bible once through (again).

v. Make at least 3 very good friends in Brisbane.

vi. Hit at least 90 percentile in my degree

vii. Perform 30 Pull-ups, Chin-ups, Wide-grip, Narrow-grip without rest by June 2011 and 40 by December.

viii. Explore 5 other major sites of interest outside Brisbane, in Australia.

ix. Learn 1 more new sport that I'll enjoy.

x. Cut down my fat percentage to below 10%

Yup.

Ten resolutions for the new year.

=)